One Breath

This is the episode that really, really establishes Mulder's feelings for Scully. I mean, we got a really good preview of it in Ascension, but it would not be an exaggeration to say that this episode is about Mulder's feelings for her.

He has the joy of physically getting her back, but then the unreal pain of losing her (on purpose) due to stipulations of her will. Can you imagine spending months trying to find someone you love, and having them turn up in a hospital, only to pull the plug?



I love Mulder-torture. That's why I love this arc.

You can make an argument that this abduction experience is what makes Mulder fully aware that there are feelings there. The proof is how wretchedly lost he is while she's gone, how frantic he is in trying to find her, and how violently he wishes to deal with those he feels is responsible.

The episode opens, interestingly, with Margaret Scully doing a voice over, telling Mulder a story of Scully and her brothers when they were kids. I love how over the course of this arc, and especially in this episode, they have really built up the relationship between Mulder and Mrs Scully, who continues throughout the show to make Mulder feel welcome. Don't think that isn't significant (especially once Bill Jr is introduced!)



Here, Mulder goes with her to pick up Scully's tombstone. God that can't be easy for either of them. Indeed, Mulder seems to find it very troubling to actually see it in person.



However, presumably before they have a chance to have a service for her, Scully appears at a hospital. She's in a coma, with her eyes taped shut and balloons manually pumping air into her lungs.



Jesus.

Mulder storms around the hospital looking for her, but seeing her in this condition is too much for him. He begins to rampage, screaming at staff, demanding to know how she got here, and accusing the doctor of being in on the whole thing.



He's absolutely lost his mind, but you can see why.

Once he has finally calmed down, Mulder, Maggie, and the doctor discuss Scully's condition... and her will. Mulder knows what is coming, and puts his face in his hands.



DOCTOR DALY: Well, Dana is a doctor. Her criteria for terminating life support is quite specific. She states that, um... if her glasgow outcome scale lists her...
M: (to Mrs. Scully) She doesn’t want to live in this condition.
DOCTOR DALY: (to Mulder) You signed the will as her witness.

Mulder returns to Scully's bedside to find... Melissa Scully :)



Ordinarily I don't like it when people on TV have the same name as me, but in this case I think it is so cool :D

MELISSA: I’ve been told not to call you Fox.
M: By who?
MELISSA: Dana, just now.
M: Dana talked to you just now?

Melissa Scully tries to help Mulder feels the presence of Scully's soul (sexy?)




M: She’s not here.
MELISSA: No, your anger and your... your fear’s blocking any positive emotions she needs to feel.
M: I need to do more than just wave my hands in the air.


Mulder goes home to try and contact X (who ignores the masking tape bat-signal). The next morning, having failed to make contact, or headway, Mulder goes back to the hospital to find a hilariously sweet visitor.



Oh Frohike. I just want to pat his head.

Frohike sneaks out Scully's charts for the LGM's perusal. The find shocking branched DNA; a 'biological equivalent of a silicon microchip' that could have been a genetic marker, but is now junk.

BYERS: This branched DNA is inactive. It’s waste product. Whoever was experimenting on Scully is finished. Now it’s nothing more than a biological poison.
M: Will she live?

Everyone exchanges uncomfortable looks, and Byers breaks it to him as gently as he can:

BYERS: Um... her immune system has been decimated and, uh... I doubt even a healthy human body has the ability to fight this. Mulder, there’s nothing you can do.

One element that I always felt I could do without its the Angel Nurse Owens. I never understood why she is encouraging Scully to live. No that I'm not grateful.
What I do love is the echange between X and Mulder in the parking garage. X prevents him from catching a mysterious man who stole Scully's blood. Mulder tells X to go to hell.

X: You’re my tool, you understand? I come to you when I need you.

What a badass. Love him.



He tells Mulder there is no way to bring her back, and Mulder is so pathetically insistent that she is not dead, it just makes my heart hurt, especially when this makes X laugh at him.



X: You want to see what it takes to find the truth, Agent Mulder?


Included as always, Mulder is invited to join the conversation about whether to take Scully off of life support. Melissa believes that it's more natural to let Scully die, than for machines to keep her biologically (barely) alive. Mrs Scully, not coldly, but having already accepted what is about to happen, tells them "Dana has made our decision".



Mrs.SCULLY: Fox... you and Dana had a friendship built on respect. Now, in the last year, I have lost my husband. And God knows I don’t want to lose my baby girl. But like you, I have always respected her.

Mulder understands that this is about respecting Scully's wishes- she simply does not want to live on life support. It is also unbearably hard for him to accept. He just got her back, and now that he has seen her and touched her, he has to give up on her? That is hard.

Mrs.SCULLY: Fox... this is a moment for the family. But you can join us if you want.



He shakes his head 'no'. He can't watch this. Oh this is killing him.

He and Melissa continue to hang out together in the hospital, where a mysterious woman leads Mulder to a pack of Morley's in the cigarette machine. Wow, when is the last time you saw a cigarette machine??? Especially in a hospital?



The pack has CSM's address in it; Skinner has turned into a true ally after all. (note the new 'thank you for not smoking' sign on his desk)

Mulder hunts CSM down in a crazy dramatic scene that I can never get enough of. Mulder is explosive at first, then utterly weak when he nearly begs "Why her? Why her and not me?"



A contender for CSM's best moment ever:

M: (crazed) Shut up! Tonight, I ask the questions and you’re going to answer them, you son of a bitch!
CSM: Don’t try and threaten me, Mulder. I’ve watched presidents die.



Oh damn. Sadly, CSM says the magic phrase, "you'll never know the truth", and Mulder backs down. I never understood why, but Mulder leaves. If I were him, I would have demanded this so-called 'truth', then shot the man. Instead, Mulder does the only thing he can do.

He quits. Effective immediately.



It's what Mulder has been threatening to do all season, with the closure of the X-Files. But it took the potential loss of Scully to make him finally do it. As he said (with his voice cracking) in Ascension, they abducted her "because her termination would prevent further involvement with me and my work."

Skinner, because he's the best boss on TV, comes down as Mulder is packing up the office and tears his resignation letter up, telling him that it's unacceptable.

Over the course of this story arc, Mulder and Skinner have done a fair amount of bonding over the Truth. Here, Skinner tells Mulder a story of when he was 18, enlisted in the marines, and losing his faith in life, himself and everything.




It shocks Mulder to hear the story ends with Skinner's near death experience.

Skinner: I’m afraid to look any further beyond that experience. You? You are not. Your resignation is unacceptable.

Killer.Chat. On Mulder's way out, X informs him that the men responsible for Scully's disappearance will be ransacking his apartment tonight, as they believe Mulder to be out of town. He is giving Mulder this information so that he can get what he wants most; revenge for Scully.



Mulder sits all night with his gun, waiting. Melissa shows up first, to tell Mulder that time is running out; Scully is weakened to the point that she is expected to go tonight. This would be a good time to go down and say goodbye.



She is surprised to say the least when Mulder tells he he can't right now. Foolishly, she tries reasoning with him, and he snaps at her a bit.

MELISSA SCULLY: Listen. I don’t have to be psychic to see that you’re in a very dark place... much darker than where my sister is. Willingly walking deeper into darkness cannot help her at all. Only the light...
MULDER: Enough with the harmonic convergence crap, okay? You’re not saying anything to me.



MELISSA SCULLY: Why don’t you just drop your cynicism and your paranoia and your defeat. You know, just because it’s positive and good doesn’t make it silly or trite! Why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel? I expect more from you. Dana expects more. Even if it doesn’t bring her back, at least she’ll know. And so will you.

Well, Melissa is psychic after all. I do wonder if Melissa thought there was a chance that Mulder's presence would bring Scully back. More importantly, I wonder if that is the case with Mulder.

Either way, he passes up his chance for revenge in order to go see her, for possibly the last time. He slides his hand over hers, looking forlorn.



M: I feel, Scully... that you believe... you’re not ready to go. And you’ve always had the strength of your beliefs. I don’t know if my being here... will help bring you back. But I’m here.



Mulder stays with her all night, just sitting next to her. He finally returns home early in the morning, just as the sun is coming up and birds are starting to sing. His place has been trashed, just as X said.



This scene.. just... makes me want to die every time.

Mulder leans against the door frame for support. The music intensifies into a single sustained emotional note, time seems to be standing still. Mulder slumps and... starts sobbing. He slides down the doorway onto the floor, crying and looking at his hands.



Eventually he makes it to his couch where he sits and waits for the worst phone call of his life. When the phone finally rings, he lets the machine get it, then quickly changes his mind and picks up. Slowly a smile creeps onto his face.

I guess Scully's Angel Nurse was very convincing!

When Mulder arrives at the hospital room, Melissa, sitting next to her sister on the bed, makes room for Mulder. Mrs Scully greets him.

MAGGIE: Hello, Fox.
SCULLY: (laughing) Not Fox, Mulder.



Look at him beam at her!

S: Mulder, I don’t remember anything... after Duane Barry...
M: Doesn’t... doesn’t matter.



It's not nearly as important as the fact that she's alive. Not to mention, the topic of abduction has always been a challenging one for Scully; imagine asking her to talk about it now that she's had first hand experience. How is she supposed to come to terms with that? Mulder knows better than to push it, in fact, he never even brings it up in the ensuing episodes.

M: Brought you a present. "Superstars of the Super Bowl."
S: I knew there was a reason to live.



LOL

M: I know you want to get some rest, I... just came by to see... how you were doing and say hi.
S: Mulder? (pause) I had the strength of your beliefs.



He nods, and looks almost uncomfortably around the room. Too embarrassed to have a 'moment' in front of the family, no doubt. He reaches into his pocket to retrieve her cross.

M: I was holding this for you.
(She looks at it, then at her mother, who smiles.)
S: (quietly) Thanks.



Mulder looks at everyone before he leaves this sweet and shy reunion.